Encouraging Your Skeptical Partner to Consider Couples Counselling

We hate to generalize, but it’s a thing. It is predominantly women who reach out to us with a similar story: “I keep asking my husband to try couples counselling, but he won’t go.”

This is such a common complaint that we hear from our clients; women who have reached a tipping point in their relationship. The issues are varied of course, some complaining of inequity or division-of-labour issues, some stating that they share different priorities or beliefs about parenting or what a life well-lived looks like. Others are just so tired of the conflict, or the loneliness felt by the avoidance of conflict.

Regardless of the topics that are causing friction, usually what all of these individuals have in common is feeling like they have tried “everything” to express their frustrations and needs to their partners, but who still don’t feel heard, valued, or happy with status quo. 

It is often around this time that she may reach out for extra support, including talking to a counsellor, not knowing what else to do. But on a deeper level, she may feel that if things continue as they have been (often for years), the love they once felt for their partner may never return. 

Men often hesitate to attend therapy, even when they deeply care about their partner and want things to work. Men can face barriers that women may not fully appreciate. 

If you are reading this article, you have probably tried most angles to have your concerns heard! But we encourage you to read on anyways about ways you could invite your husband into counselling, even making him feel empowered rather than pressured.

In this article, we’ll explore why men resist counselling and how to encourage your husband or male partner to give it a try.

Why Some Men are Apprehensive about Couples Counselling

Many men grow up with messages like:

• “Real men don’t ask for help.”

• “If we need counselling, the relationship must be broken.”

• “We can fix it ourselves – if we can’t it means we aren’t trying hard enough.”
• “How could a stranger possibly know how to help us?”

With these assumptions and beliefs, couples therapy can feel like admitting something is terribly wrong, or at least quite intimidating. Men may worry they’ll be blamed, criticized, or forced into conversations that they don’t know how to navigate. Some men are convinced that there really is nothing to be gained from going to a counsellor. Many clients reference financial barriers as the main issue (which we fully can appreciate). 

Resistance doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t care about the relationship – it may mean he feels afraid of what therapy really looks like or unsure about how it could help.

How to Get Your Husband to Try Couples Counselling

Here are some strategies that can shift the conversation and help him feel more open:

1. Emphasize teamwork, not blame

Avoid framing therapy as a way to “fix” him. Instead, try language like:

• “I’d love for us to learn some new tools together.”

• “This could help us feel closer and enjoy our relationship more.”

2. Highlight the benefits of Counselling

Let him know counselling isn’t just about problems—it’s about better communication, less conflict, and more connection. Many couples use therapy as a way to strengthen their relationship, not just save it. When it comes to the financial piece, framing counselling as an investment in your future selves, including your happiness and resilience as a couple, can be a helpful reframe when looking at the cost. 

3. Suggest Trying one session of counselling

Sometimes the idea of “therapy” feels overwhelming. Invite him to just one session:

• “Would you be open to trying it once and then deciding together if it’s useful?”
  This lowers the pressure and makes it feel manageable.

We’ve had MANY reluctant clients comment, following a first session, how they feel relief, or comfort, or more hope for the future than they did before. Sometimes they will share how nice it is to have the space to speak, uninterrupted, in a safe place.

4. Normalize the experience 

Couples counselling is incredibly common. Successful people—from athletes to business leaders—regularly use coaching and therapy to grow. Framing it as a strength, not a weakness, can make a difference.

5. Speak from your perspective

Instead of “You need counselling,” try “This feels important to me, and I’d love your support.” Sharing your personal need is more powerful (and less triggering) than pointing fingers.

6. Give him time to consider his options

If he’s not ready, avoid pushing harder. Plant the seed, express why it matters to you, and give him space to come around. You can offer to find someone, or offer to give him some options and have him choose a good fit. 

If Your Husband Still Won’t Go to Counselling

You don’t have to wait to get support. Many women come to individual counselling first and find that working on their own clarity, confidence, and communication has a ripple effect on the relationship. Sometimes, when their male partners see positive changes, they may become more open to the idea. Remember that leading by example, or as we say “cleaning up your side of the street” can go a long way, AND it will help you feel that you are doing what is within your control. 

Final Thoughts

Encouraging your husband to try couples counselling can feel frustrating, but it’s not hopeless. By approaching the conversation with empathy, patience, and curiosity, you increase the chances he’ll say yes. And whether or not he comes, you have options for support.

At Illuminate Counselling, we help individuals and couples in North Vancouver and across BC navigate these tough conversations and build stronger relationships.

Connect with a Specialized Relationship Counsellor

If you are considering counselling for yourself or for your partner, we encourage you to reach out to our supportive and experienced team. If you aren’t sure what kind of support you need, we’ll be happy to match you with a counsellor who can help.