“Grief, I’ve learned is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All the unspent love gathers up in the concerns of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest.. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
– James Anderson
Many pregnancies end in miscarriage
Approximately 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage. That’s not a small statistic. Although women all around us have had this experience, we may hear about some miscarriage stories, while many we do not. Pregnancy loss can be an excruciatingly lonely experience, often referred to as an “invisible loss” because often support systems do not even know that it has happened. Grief after pregnancy loss is quite different from other types of loss, and it also can be put under the category of “disenfranchised grief”, which is the kind that society typically does not acknowledge, the kind that makes people squirm because they don’t know what to say.
Miscarriages can be an emotional roller-coaster
For many miscarriages, the cause is unknown. This often leaves the mother feeling a variety of emotions such as:
- Self-blame: “Did I do something to cause this?”
- Doubt: “Will my body carry the next pregnancy to term?”
- Oppressive sadness: “Will it always hurt this much?”
- And other common experiences: shock, anger, isolation, exhaustion, fear, grief…
While we cannot stop the fact that miscarriages happen and we cannot take away the heartbreak they cause, it can be helpful to acknowledge the feelings and needs around this type of unique loss.
Also know that everyone is walking through their own unique path in the journey of grief. Allow them to go at their own pace, give them time.
For those experiencing the loss, there will be times you really want to talk about it, and times when you really don’t. This is all ok.
This grief takes up so much space in the minds and hearts of those who experience it. It can be so all-encompassing. It’s common to have more intense grief moments, and in time there will be intermittent experiences of processing, healing, rebuilding, and integrating. Grief does not necessarily go away, especially for profound losses. Grief changes us, and we can be transformed by it.
We are here to support the bereaved mamas and couples. We see you, we hear you and we are with you. We highly encourage you to seek specialized outside support as needed to help you move through this unique type of loss.
Counselling for pregnancy loss and miscarriage
If you are ready to get started, you can book a session here with one of our counsellors who specializes in this area of pregnancy loss.
or check out our free downloadables on pregnancy loss.
We also really recommend this book below if you are seeking some bibliotherapy:
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/healing-your-grieving-heart-after-miscarriage/